NLAA – In Hanoi Vietnam
Okay, so I haven’t been posting like I said I would. There are a few reasons for that:
1. I forgot my password to the blog.
2. SO MUCH TO PROCESS!
3. Because of #2 I said to hell with it and I’m going to write a book about it. Seriously , too many stories and experiences to blog about and my journal, laptop, camera, and facebook posts have been enough note taking along with a constant stream of ideas to make an indie self published travel ‘How To’ book that I can’t pass up.
A small example would be my last 24 hour experience going from Lao Cai to Hanoi via a hellish overnight train in a very very very compressed form if you know me well enough:
Summery of the past 24 hrs: 8pm – A topless Asian woman breast feeds whilst her 8 other family members stare at me in silence. 2am – Her baby spews breast milk everywhere getting a little on my backpack. 4am – I’m stretching outside my cabin when a woman comes out of her cabin and pukes in front of me. 12 to 3 pm lost and wandering Hanoi. 2pm a woman in a pyramid hat is squatting next to a tree peeing. 4pm a few $2 G/Ts at Le Pub. 6pm nap due to running on 3 hours sleep. 8pm G/T’s alone at hotel bar listening to really cheesy piano covers of 70’s TV shows and Chariots of Fire.
Another abbreviated excerpt of the coming epic travel book ‘Nobody Likes An American – Cambodia – Laos – Vietnam’:
Rookie things to learn in Hanoi or any major Asian city of its kind really.
- Nobody is trying to be nice to you. Everyone is trying to make some money off of you. It’s not necessarily malicious, it’s just survival.
- If someone comes up to admire your shoes, or point out something about your shoes, don’t assume they are being nice or are really interested in the make or brand of your shoes. They will have a bag or a box with them and they will want to charge you for them to shine them with things that will likely make them more dirty. They’re not cute. They’re not your new friends.
- If a polite girl comes up to you and tells you that she is a student learning English, and tries to start up a conversation with you asking where you are from, etc. She will then either pull out necklaces, bracelet, or more likely a red cross card asking for money. When you say no her face will likely change with a scowl and she will never speak to you again. She won’t be your pen pal, she won’t be your facebook buddy, and she’s gone to the next tourist.
- The price of the camera you are flaunting around your neck could feed them and pay their rent for two months. Keep it secure, but don’t act like every moving thing is going to rip it off your neck and then kill you for it. Respect it, put it to good use, there is lots to see and shoot (with the camera only please), but don’t rub it in their faces. Ask permission for certain shots, but don’t pay any money for them, just be respectful.
- If a woman carrying a stick on her shoulders with two evenly distributed scales of fruit tries to put it on your shoulders and put her hat on your head and offer to take a picture of you, she is not being cute or friendly. She wants to get a dollar off of you. If that shot is worth a dollar to you, fine, it would make a good facebook post or a homemade postcard for your friends and family. Just know, she wants money.
So there you have it. It might sound grim but it’s going to be a lot of laughs, tears, and heaps of very practical information for any tourist but particularly American tourist. I’m not neglecting this blog. I’m just over absorbed with cultural and real life literary intake.
It’s going to take a while, but be patient. The good stuff is coming. 
Nickolas – NLAA
